OK, SO MY PARENTS ABSOLUTELY SUCK! NEXT MONTH I WILL BE 26 YEARS OLD, AND MY FOLKS SEEM TO ACT AND THINK LIKE KIDS. wHY DO I FEEL I NEED TO TELL MY PARENTS WHAT TO DO AND HOW TO TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES? LAST WEEK, MY YOUNGER BROTHER WHO IS ALMOST 21 YRS OLD, CALLS ME TO SAY THAT MY DAD WAS IN THE HOSPITAL FOR 5 WEEKS DUE TO A TUMOR THAT RUPTURED IN HIS BACK AND IT TRAVELED THROUGH HIS BLOOD WENT AND DID MASSIVE DAMAGE TO HIS LIVER, SPLEEN, AND KIDNEYS.
IT'S CALLED A ROUTINE PHYSICAL AT A DOCTOR'S OFFICE. DUH! SO HE HAS BEEN HOOKED UP TO IV'S AND CATHETERS AND ALL ELSE. HE IS NOW IN A NURSING HOME. MY BROTHER AND I DIDN'T KNOW THIS ALL HAPPENED NEARLY TWO MONTHS AGO. I HAVEN'T TALKED OR SEEN DAD SINCE OCTOBER OF 2002. I KNOW HE HAS FAMILY UP IN THE OAKLAND AREA, BUT ABSOLUTELY KNOW NOTHING OF MY DAD'S SIDE OF THE FAMILY. NOT EVEN HEALTH HISTORY.MY DAD HAS ALWAYS IN MY EXISTENCE BEEN KNOWN NOT TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR ANYTHING. (IS THIS A BLACK MAN THING?) HE NEVER MARRIED MY WHITE MOTHER, NEVER WAS AROUND FOR MY UPBRINGING. WHEN I MOVED BACK AFTERWARDS WHEN I WAS 22, HE ONLY WANTED TO BORROW MONEY FROM ME, AND ALL I WANTED FROM HIM WAS HIS FATHERHOOD. HE NEVER HAD THE BALLS TO TELL ME I HAD A HALF BROTHER WHO IS 5 YRS YOUNGER THAN I. I STILL THINK I HAVE OTHER SIBLINGS THAT WE DON'T KNOW ABOUT. HE IS UNEMPLOYED, DEATHLY ILL, NO MONEY, NO CLOTHES, NO HOUSE TO GO TO. WHAT A MESS.
WHY DO I FEEL INCLINED TO FLY BACK HOME WHICH IS 1100 MILES AWAY TO BUY HIM SOMETHING TO WEAR, FOOD IN HIS MOUTH, PULL AND FIND RESOURCES FOR HIM TO GO LIVE ETC? SAME THING WITH WHAT I FEEL ABOUT MY MOM! SHE USED TO BE THE MOST RESPONSIBLE PERSON I KNEW. NOW SHE IS PROBABLY RIDDEN WITH CANCERS SHE HAS NO IDEA ABOUT. MY GRAMMA HAS ALREADY BOUGHT HER A CEMETERY PLOT CUZ WE NEVER KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO HER NEXT. MY PARENTS ARE ONLY LIKE 50 YRS OLD. TO ME, THAT'S TOO YOUNG. I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO FLY HOME TO TELL MY DAD THE TRUTH ABOUT WHAT I FEEL ABOUT HIS BULLSHIT. I KNOW THAT SEEMS LIKE A SHITTY IDEA TO FLY 1100 MILES TO TELL SOMEONE ON THEIR DEATHBED THAT THEY ARE IRRESPONSIBLE, GOOD FOR NOTHING DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THEIR SON AND DAUGHTER LECTURE. PART OF ME SAYS YES, GO AND GET IT OFF YOUR CHEST, THE OTHER PART SAYS WAIT TILL YOU STAND ON HIS GRAVE.IF I DON'T SAY ANYTHING HE CAN'T GIVE ME ANY REBUTTAL, EXCUSES ETC. I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS TO ASK BUT WOULDN'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE IF THEY ARE JUST BULLSHIT LIES. RIGHT NOW IN MY LIFE, I HAVE A DAUGHTER THAT WILL PROBABLY ASKK ME DIFFICULT QUESTIONS ABOUT OUR "FAMILY" AND I WON'T HAVE THE ANSWERS. THE ONLY THING THAT I SENT TO MY MOM FOR MOTHER'S DAY IS A LARGE MANILA PACKAGE FULL OF EMPTY ENVELOPES WITH A STAMP, AND MY ADDRESS ON THEM. MY MOM HAS NOT WRITTEN TO ME OR CALLED ME SINCE I'VE MOVED HERE. WHEN I WENT BACK HOME IN OCTOBER, SHE DIDN'T WANT TO EVEN GO TO LUNCH WITH ME UNTIL MY GRAMMA DRAGGED HER ASS OUT OF BED. MY MOM AND I SHARE THE SAME BIRTHDAY. WE ARE BOTH GEMINI'S. I THINK HER BRAIN IS TOTALLY FRIED FROM THE DRUG USE JUST 10 YEARS AGO. SHE WON'T WORK REGULAR, HAS NO MONEY TO PAY HER RENT, FOOD, ELECTRIC, SHOES, CLOTHES, ETC. I THINK THE LAST LETTERS I RECEIVED FROM HER WAS WHEN SHE WAS IN PRISON ABOUT 7 YEARS AGO. I'M SURPRISED SHE HAS LIVED THIS LONG. SHE WON'T EVEN TAKE A PICTURE WITH ME AND MY DAUGHTER.
AS A KID, YOU'RE USUALLY SUPPOSED TO THINK THAT YOUR PARENTS ARE RESPONSIBLE, HEALTHY, HAVE A HOUSE TO LIVE IN, PAY THEIR BILLS, TAKE CARE OF THEIR CHILDREN ETC. NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. THE WAY I SEE IT, MY DAD HAS BURNED ALL OF HIS BRIDGES. HE USES PEOPLE TO GAIN FOR HIMSELF. MY FIANCE IS PUSHING ME TO GO HOME. NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT..I REALLY SHOULD BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE. I HAVE NEVER BEEN SELFISH IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I SHOULD HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY WHAT I FEEL, NOT LET THEM LEAVE ME WITH UNANSWERED OR AVOIDED QUESTIONS. IT WAS THEIR CHOICE TO LAY DOWN, DO THE DEED, AND KNEW THE CONSEQUENCES THAT A LIFE COULD COME FROM IT. IT DID. I'M HERE. I HAVE MY OWN LIFE TO LIVE AND GENERATIONS OF NEW FAMILY WILL COME. CIRCLE OF LIFE! ALL I EVER WANTED WAS FAMILY. I WAS RAISED AN ONLY CHILD. I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT MY HALF BROTHER UNTIL I WAS 15. DIDN'T MEET HIM TIL' TWO YEARS LATER. WE ARE CLOSER NOW! I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO RECEIVE A PHONE CALL THAT MY DAD WAS NEARLY DEAD AND NOT FIND OUT ABOUT IT UNTIL 2 MONTHS LATER. BULLSHIT.