SO LATELY I HAVE BEEN SO INDECISIVE AND I DON'T KNOW AS TO WHY. I CAN'T DECIDE WHAT TO EAT, WHAT TO DO, WHERE TO GO, WHAT TO WEAR, ETC. IT IS DRIVING ME BONKERS. I'M A GEMINI TO BEGIN WITH, SO HAVING TOO MANY OPTIONS OR CHOICES ARE SOMETIMES A CHALLENGE ANYWAYS! I'M BEGINNING TO THINK IT IS MY NEW MEDICATION TO BOOST MY HORMONES TO HELP ACHIEVE PREGNANCY. ALTHOUGH IN THE SIDE EFFECTS WARNING, IT DOESN'T LIST MOOD SWINGS. GUESS I'LL HAVE TO WORK ON RECOGNIZING SOME OF THE SYMPTOMS AND HOPEFULLY WORK THROUGH IT WITH BETTER CHOICES.
Zoolander Gas Station
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I HAVE NOTICED HERE IN CALIFORNIA THINGS ARE ALL ABOUT IMAGE. IT'S THE WAY YOU LOOK, HOW YOU SPEND TO GET THE LOOK, WHAT YOU DRIVE, WHO YOU KNOW, WHO YOU HANG WITH, ETC. I WORK IN THE MALL AND I LOOK AT YOUNG GIRL ABOUT THE AGE OF 11+ AND THEY ARE WEARING HIGH HEELS, OR FLIP FLOP SANDALS WITH HEELS, AND I CAN ONLY THINK WHY?! IMAGE. THEY STRUGGLE TO WALK NORMAL JUST TO LOOK GOOD. THEY HAVE ARTIFICIAL NAILS, HIGHLIGHTS, MAKEUP...JEEZ! TOO YOUNG TO BE HIGH MAINTENANCE. I MEAN IT MUST BE NICE TO HAVE THE MEANS TO DO ALL THAT, BUT TO HAVE CONFIDENCE AND STRUGGLE TO MAINTAIN AND UPKEEP THAT IMAGE AT 11 YRS OLD?
HOW CAN IT GET ANY BETTER FROM THERE? EVEN VERY LARGE GIRLS MUST HAVE THE CONFIDENCE TO WEAR SKIMPY HALTER TOPS, AND TOO SHORT OF SHORTS! YIKES. I'M A BIG GIRL, BUT I DON'T LET MY SHIT HANG OUT. I'M PRETTY LOW MAINTENACE. I DON'T HAVE NAILS, COLOR IN MY HAIR, NO MAKEUP, NOTHING ARTIFICIAL. I WEAR MAKEUP IF THERE IS AN OCCASION. LATELY BESIDES HAVING DECISION MAKING DIFFICULTIES, I HAVE BEEN PUTTING MYSELF DOWN IN THE MIRROR. ESPECIALLY ABOUT MY WEIGHT. I KNOW I NEED TO LOSE IT, BUT NO MOTIVATION TO GET STARTED. MY FIANCE IS ALSO VERY LARGE AND HE HAS TO LOSE, FOR THE SAKE OF HIS HEALTH.I WANT US TO DO IT TOGETHER AGAIN. WE WERE ON WEIGHT WATCHER OVER A YR AGO, AND BOTH DID WELL. HE LOST 75LBS, AND I LOST 20LBS BEFORE MY CAR ACCIDENT. NOW I'VE GAINED THAT 20 BACK PLUS AN ADDITIONAL 40. YUCK. MY CLOTHES TO HANG RIGHT ANYMORE, MY BRA SIZE HAS GONE UP. BUT ALSO THE WAY I FEEL...I FEEL INSIDE THAT I AM SKINNY! WEIRD HUH?! I HAVE BEEN BIG ALL MY LIFE, BUT VERY VERY ACTIVE AL THROUGH SCHOOL. I PLAYED VARSITY SPORTS FROM 5TH GRADE THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL. MY MOM WAS LARGE ABOUT THE SIZE I AM NOW WHEN SHE WAS MY AGE. I ALWAYS USED TO THINK I NEVER WANTED TO BE LIKE MY MOM WHEN I GREW UP. TOO LATE...ALREADY THERE. NOW MY DAUGHTER WILL THINK THE SAME ABOUT ME. I HOPE NOT.
I WANT TO TO LOOK VERY ELEGANT FOR MY WEDDING. I'M TIRED OF MY GRAMMA TELLING ME I JUST HAVE A PRETTY FACE. I JUST NEED TO GET MOTIVATED AND FAST. IF I WANT TO ACHIEVE PREGNANCY I KNOW I HAVE TO LOSE TO BE HEALTHY. UGGH. I REALLY TYPICALLY DON'T EAT LIKE I USED TO EITHER. I DON'T HAVE VERY LARGE PORTIONS AND I EAT ABOUT 2-3 TIMES A DAY. THE DOC SAYS I HAVE A NORMAL METABOLISM, NOT AT RISK RIGHT NOW FOR DIABETES,ETC. MY SIS IS COMING DOWN AND I WANT TO TAKE HER TO THE BEACH AND NOT HUMILIATE THE FAT RACE IN A SWIMSUIT...BUT AT THE SAME TIME THAT IS WHERE CONFIDENCE CAN COME IN.I CAN TELL MYSELF, WHO CARES WHAT OTHERS THINK. IT IS MY LIFE, MY BODY AND I HAVE JUST AS MUCH RIGHT TO ENJOY THE BEACH AS ANYONE ELSE. BUT YOU ALWAYS HAVE IT IN THE BACK OF YOUR MIND THAT PEOPLE THINK YOU LOOK ATROCIOUS! I GUESS WE'LL SEE. JUST A MATTER OF WILLPOWER TO GET STARTED. I JUST STILL CAN'T GET OVER HOW IN MY MIND I FEEL LIKE A REGULAR THIN PERSON, BUT ON THE OUTSIDE I'M OVERWEIGHT.
I'VE ALWAYS PRETTY MUCH HAD A HEALTHY LIFE, I'M JUST NOT AS ACTIVE AT ALL. JUST BECAUSE I'M TALL DOESN'T MEAN THAT I'M NOT FAT. MY HEIGHT MAKES ME LOOK LIKE I CARRY THE WEIGHT VERY PROPORTIONATELY. I'M PRETTY TOP HEAVY IN THE CHEST. IF I HAD THE MONEY I WOULD TAKE IT VERY SERIOUS ABOUT MY BODY. I WOULD HAVE A BREAST REDUCTION, LIPO, LASER EYE VISION CORRECTION, SKIN RESURFACING, AND THAT WOULD BE ABOUT IT. FOR MY FIANCE, HE SAID HE WOULD HAVE MAJOR DENTAL CORRECTION, LIPO, AND BODY CONTOURING. I CAN AGREE WITH HIM. SOMETIMES, I GO OUT SHOPPING FOR CLOTHES AND I SEE REALLY COOL THINGS TO WEAR (NO, NOT SLUTS-R-US ATTIRE OR ANYTHING TOO REVEALING)BUT TO ACTUALLY HAVE REAL CASUAL CLOTHES....WITHOUT BELLY FLAPS AND BIG BOOBS. I'VE GOT LONG LEGS THAT ARE MUSCULAR. JUST MY BELLY AND CHEST ARE HARD TO FLATTER. I SEE BEAUTIFUL WEDDING GOWNS FOR MY WEDDING, BUT LOTS OF THEM THEY JUST DON'T MAKE AVAILABLE IN BIG SIZES. GO FIGURE. FATS GIRLS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE RADIANT ON THEIR SPECIAL DAY?! WHATEVER. SAME THING WITH VICTORIA'S SECRET! I THINK THEIR REVENUE IN SALES WOULD BE BIGGER IF THEY WENT UP IN BRA AND PANTY SIZES. GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO FEEL GOOD IN SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL. WELL, I'M DONE VENTING FOR NOW.