CAN THIS WEEK BE EVEN MORE SHITTY?

FUCK.

SO I CALLED MY GRAMPA TO SEE HOW HE WAS DOING AND HE WAS TOTALLY OUT OF IT AND VERY WEAK. I KNOW HE WAS GONNA GET WORSE, BUT YOU DON'T WANT IT TO EVER COME. ANOTHER SENSE OF DENIAL. IT WON'T BE LONG NOW. I WILL BE VERY SAD. I WAS TEARING UP AT WORK. I COULDN'T STOP THINKING OF IT, ESPECIALLY WHEN HE MENTIONS THAT IT WON'T BE LONG BEFORE HE DIES. HOW BRAVE TO BE AT PEACE AND WAIT FOR IT TO HAPPEN. JEEZ. SO ON MY LUNCH BREAK I SPENT ABOUT 45 MINUTES AT HALLMARK TRYING TO FIND THE PERFECT CARD FOR HIM. I FOUND TWO CARDS THAT WOULD'VE BEEN GOOD. ONE WAS KINDA LIKE A GOODBYE CARD, AND THE OTHER WAS A SYMPATHY CARD. THE SYMPATHY CARD WASN'T REALLY WRITTEN DIRECTLY FOR THE SURVIVING SPOUSE OR LOVED ONE LEFT BEHIND, SO I WILL USE IT TO GIVE TO HIM. IT SPEAKS OF MEMORIES, AND THE LAST SENTENCE SAYS THAT I HOPE HE FINDS PEACE AND COMFORT. I WILL HAVE TO JUST SIT DOWN AND WRITE A LITTLE SOMETHING EXTRA LETTING HIM KNOW HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE HIM BEING IN MY LIFE EVEN THOUGH HE DIVORCED MY GRAMMA (HE'S NOT MY BLOOD GRANDFATHER.)

SO I FOUND THAT OUT ABOUT 4 PM ON MONDAY. I WAS STILL PISSED OFF THAT I HADN'T GOTTEN TO TALK TO MY DAUGHTER FOR MOTHER'S DAY, SO THAT ADDED TO THE EMOTIONAL WRECKAGE.

WHEN I LEFT WORK, I WENT TO THE STORE TO DROP OFF SOME FILM AND DO SOME SHOPPING, AND I HAD A VOICEMAIL FROM MY DAD. IMMEDIATELY I'M THINKING HOW MUCH MONEY HE NEEDS FOR SOMETHING. SO I LISTEN TO IT AND IT SAYS THAT LYNN HAD DIED. I WAS LIKE WHOA. LYNN WAS MY DAD'S EX-GIRLFRIEND. SHE WAS THE PERSON WHO TOLD ME I HAD A HALF BROTHER I NEVER KNEW ABOUT. MY DAD WAS NO GOOD FOR HER. HE BEAT HER UP SO BAD, AND SO MANY TIMES. SHE WAS SO FORGIVING, LOVING, AND BELIEVED IN PEOPLE EVEN THOUGH THEY TREATED HER LIKE SHIT. WHEN I WAS UP IN SPOKANE LAST WEEKEND FOR BLOOMSDAY, I THOUGHT ABOUT HER CUZ I DROVE BY HER HOUSE.

I CALLED MY MOM TO LET HER KNOW. SHE ASKED WHAT HAPPENED, AND I REALLY HADN'T EVEN KNOWN YET FROM MY DAD. SO I CALLED DAD BACK AND HE SAID SHE'S BEEN BRAIN DEAD, AND THEY WILL TAKE HER OFF OF LIFE SUPPORT TODAY. ( I WILL BE LEAVING SHORTLY TO GO UP THERE TO SAY GOODBYE.)THIS ALL HAPPENED SATURDAY NIGHT. APPARENTLY SOMETHING WITH HER MEDICATION AND SHE STOPPED BREATHING AND HER DRUNK BOYFRIEND TRIED CPR. I'LL HAVE TO FIND OUT MORE INFO WHEN I GET UP THERE. MY DAD WAS HARD TO UNDERSTAND SINCE HE WAS SO MAD. HE KEPT SAYING HOW HE WAS GONNA KNOCK THAT NIGGA OUT BLAH BLAH BLAH. I'M LIKE THAT'S NOT COOL. THIS IS COMING FROM MY DAD, THE NO-GOOD, ABUSING NIGGA. HMMMM, HE'S MAD AT MIKE FOR LETTING HER NEARLY DIE?! WTF.

THEN I WILL GO UP THERE AND SAY GOODBYE, TRY TO KEEP DAD FROM TROUBLE. I BETTER GO UP THERE SINCE I WILL BE IN VEGAS NEXT WEEK, AND THEY MAY HAVE THE FUNERAL WHILE I'M GONE. I'LL HAVE TO WRITE MORE TONIGHT. I'M JUST SO PISSED.

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