MOTHERSDAY08
written @ 12:14 A.M. on 12 May 2008

MOTHER'S DAY WAS ONCE AGAIN PRETTY SHITTY. I WONDER WHY. ALL DAY I WAITED FOR A PHONE CALL THAT WOULD NEVER COME. HOW SELFISH.

MY EX-MOTHER-IN-LAW WHO TAKES CARE OF MY 10 YR OLD DAUGHTER, DOESN'T EVEN HAVE THE FUCKING COURTESY TO CALL ME. SHE GETS TO CELEBRATE HER GLORIOUS DAY WITH MY DAUGHTER! I'M SO IRATE RIGHT NOW. I DID NOT CALL THIS YEAR. I WANTED TO SEE IF SHE WOULD TAKE EVEN TWO MINUTES TO CALL ME. NOPE, NADA. LIKE I DON'T EVEN DESERVE TO HEAR MY DAUGHTER'S VOICE. I MOPED AROUND ALL DAY WITH LAZINESS. I DESPERATELY WAITED FOR THE CALL. I DIDN'T LEAVE THE HOUSE AT ALL. I DIDN'T EVEN SPEAK PROBABLY 100 HUNDRED WORDS TO MY HUBBY. HE DID GIVE ME A CARD AND MADE BREAKFAST AND DINNER. I DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO EAT DINNER. I WAS SO DEPRESSED I WENT AND TOOK A 2 HOUR NAP.

I REALLY DO MISS MY KIDDO. BADLY. I WISH SHE WERE OLD ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND. I'M REALLY FRUSTRATED. I EVEN ASKED M-I-L IF I COULD HAVE KIDDO FOR MY UPCOMING 30TH BDAY WEEKEND IN JUNE, AND I ASKED THAT WAY IN ADVANCE. OH, BUT SOMEHOW SHE IS SO BUSY. BUT WE ALSO NEED TO HAVE A "TALK" ABOUT HER CONCERNS. FUCK IT. WE WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE THIS STUPID TALK IN MARCH. HAS SHE EVEN MADE AN ATTEMPT TO TALK TO ME? THAT WOULD BE A BIG NEGATIVE!

I WISH THAT MY MOTHER'S DAY WOULD BE EXPRESSED WITH LOVE AND GRATITUDE, EVEN THE SWEET VOICE FROM MY DAUGHTER WOULD MAKE IT SO MUCH BETTER. I DIDN'T EVEN GET A CARD FROM HER. I SENT A CARD TO M-I-L IN ADVANCE, YOU'D THINK THAT IF SHE GOT MINE, THAT SHE WOULD RETURN THE COURTESY OF HAVING KIDDO SIGN AND SEND ONE BACK TO ME. YEAH RIGHT. I'M REALLY SAD RIGHT NOW. I COULDN'T STOP THINKING OF A SONG I USED TO SING WHILE I WAS PREGNANT, AND AFTER SHE WAS BORN. IT IS SUCH A LOVELY LULLABY.

Baby mine, don't you cry.
Baby mine, dry your eyes.
Rest your head close to my heart,
never to part, baby of mine.

Little one, when you play,
pay no heed what they say.
Let your eyes sparkle and shine,
never a tear, baby of mine.

If they knew all about you,
they'd end up loving you, too.
All those same people who scold you,
what they'd give just for the right to hold you.

From your hair down to your toes,
you're not much, goodness knows.
But, you're so precious to me,
sweet as can be, baby of mine

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