OK, SO I GUESS I'M GOING THROUGH A SELFISH AND "TOURETTE" PHASE. I'VE BEEN SAYING WHAT COMES TO MIND SO RANDOMLY, IT'S SCARY. I'VE BLOWN MYSELF AWAY BY THE THINGS I'VE SAID. YIKES!

LAST FRIDAY I WAS AT WORK, AND IN COMES A GUY I'VE KNOWN SINCE HIGH SCHOOL. HE ASKED IF I COULD CLEAN HIS RING AND HIS FIANCE'S RING. I SAID OF COURSE SINCE I KNEW THE VERY NEXT DAY THEY WERE GETTING MARRIED. SO THEN HE ASKED ME IF I WAS COMING TO THE WEDDING. I SAID OH, I KINDA HAVE TO WORK ( AND I MADE MYSELF ALL STRESSED OUT ABOUT WHAT TO WEAR, WHAT TO GIVE AS A GIFT, AND WHAT TABLE WILL THEY HAVE MY RSVP CARD AT, ETC. SO I THOUGHT I WOULD JUST OPT OUT AND BLAME IT ON THE FACT I HAD TO WORK THAT DAY) SO, THEN HE TELLS ME THE RECEPTION IS AT 6PM AT RED LION. HMMMM, THEN HE LOOKED ME RIGHT IN THE EYE AND IT CAUSED ME TO MELT. NOT IN THE SENSE THAT MOST OF YOU THINK, BUT WHAT CAUSED ME TO WRETCH MY HEARTSTRINGS IS THAT HE SEEMED TO SAY IT SO SINCERELY, WITH ALL HONESTY AND GENUINE CONCERN FOR MY PRESENCE. THEN I FELT SHITTY.

SO THEN I HAD TO SAY, WELL MAYBE I COULD JUST MAKE IT TO THE RECEPTION.CRAP! THEN I GOT TO TALKING TO HIM AND I ASKED WHEN THEY WERE MOVING TO ALBANY, NEW YORK. HE SAID ON MARCH 14TH. THEN I ASKED IF HE'D BE BACK WITH HIS WIFE IN TIME FOR OUT 10 YEAR CLASS REUNION. HE SAID MAYBE.

OH GREAT. THEN MY MIND STARTS THINKING WELL IF I DON'T GO, THEN THERE'S PROB LESS OF A 50% CHANCE THEY'LL COME BACK. THERE WAS A SHOW ON TV SAYING HOW PEOPLE ALWAYS TAKE THEIR LIVES FOR GRANTED, AND ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO ANY KIND OF PREDICTED REUNIONS, WHETHER IT BE CLASS REUNION, OR FAMILY REUNION, AND HOW THAT LIKE EVERY 10YRS ON AVERAGE, ABOUT 5-8 OF YOUR CLASSMATES WILL DIE BY THE 1ST REUNION. 6-12 WILL DIE BY THE 2ND 10YR REUNION AND SO ON, AND ALSO MORE WILL BE LIKELY TO DIE NOW THAT THERE ARE MORE THRILL SEEKERS, AND GENETIC CANCERS AND ANOMELIES, ACCIDENTS, AND OF COURSE, THE WAR IN IRAQ.

SO THEN I WAS GIVING HIM A HUG AND SAID I'D REALLY TRY TO BE THERE, AND HE REPLIED, THAT HE WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

SO IT WAS REALLY THE WAY EVERYTHING WAS SAID. WE WEREN'T LIKE BEST FRIENDS OR ANYTHING, WE HUNG OUT WITH OUR GROUPS OF FRIENDS, AND ALSO ON THE TRACK TEAM. HIS WIFE WAS ALSO IN OUR CLASS. TALK ABOUT A LONG ENGAGEMENT. 10 YRS!

SO ON SATURDAY I WENT TO WORK. THEN I REALIZED I FELT SOOO YUCKY. MY BOSS WAS ASKING WHAT I ATE, AND I TOLD HER I HAD A BANANA, AND SOME MALT-O-MEAL CEREAL. APPARENTLY LOTS OF PEOPLE GET SICK TO THEIR STOMACH IF THEY EAT A BANANA FIRST ON AN EMPTY STOMACH. THAT'S WHAT I DID. I WILL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN. I FELT YUCKY. I GOT TO WORK AT 9:30, AND IT DIDN'T SUBSIDE UNTIL ABOUT 1:00PM. WE WERE SLOW THE WHOLE DAY, SO I TOOK MY LUNCH AND WENT TO SEE IF I COULD FIND SOMETHING NICE TO WEAR. EVERYTHING THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL, WAS BLACK! NO SPRING COLORS YET, OR AT LEAST WEDDING RECEPTION ATTIRE.

THEN I SPENT MY WHOLE HOUR AND ONLY CAME BACK TO WORK WITH A WEDDING CARD. THEN I WAS HUNGRY. A COUPLE HOURS LATER, I TOLD MY BOSS I'D USE MY TEN MIN BREAK TO GO GET A PRETZEL, AND SHE SAID IF I WANTED TO GO HOME I COULD. I SAID HELL YEAH. SO I STOPPED AND GRABBED A CHICKEN SANDWICH ON THE WAY, ALSO WENT TO THE STORE TO GET A VISA GIFT CARD, STOPPED AND CHANGED CLOTHES, RE-DID MY HAIR AND MAKEUP AND WAS ON MY WAY TO THE RECEPTION.

I GOT THERE AT THE HOTEL RIGHT ABOUT 7PM, AND THE "GROUP" WAS FLAGGING MY ATTENTION. THANK GOODNESS. I HATE WEDDINGS. I NEVER KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT. SO EVERYONE WAS ABOUT DONE EATING DINNER AND DESSERT. EVERYTHING WAS SO LAVISH AND BEAUTIFUL. CLEARLY THE MOST EXPENSIVE WEDDING I'D BEEN TO. MY FRIEND'S FATHER IS A DOCTOR. BY THE END OF THE NIGHT, I REALLY ENJOYED MYSELF. IT WAS LOVELY.

I DIDN'T INVITE MY HUBBY, CUZ I HONESTLY THOUGHT I WASN'T GONNA GO. THEN WHEN I TOLD HIM I WAS HE WAS LIKE ASKING ME WHAT HE SHOULD WEAR. I TOLD HIM DON'T BOTHER, CUZ HE'S NOT GOING WITH ME. I KNOW I'M MEAN, BUT I COULD TELL HE WAS CRUSHED. I'VE BEEN REALLY PISSED ABOUT HIM EATING HIMSELF TO A SLOW DEATH. I'M NOT A SIZE 6 AND PERFECT, BUT I'VE BEEN GOING TO THE GYM TOO! I'M ACTUALLY EMBARRASSED ALL OF A SUDDEN. I DON'T LIKE THE WAY HE LOOKS. HE CAN CHANGE AND HE ALWAYS TALKS ABOUT IT, BUT HE DOESN'T APPLY HIMSELF. NOW HE'S ADDICTED TO SITTING HIS BIG FAT 375 LB ASS AT THE COMPUTER PLAYING WORLD OF WARCRAFT (WARCRACK) FOR HOURS ON END. HE SPENT OVER 12 HOURS ON THE COMPUTER A FEW TIMES. OMG. I AM SO LIVID. THIS TIME I FEEL LIKE SO LONELY. AND HE GETS SO FUCKING GRUMPY IF I ASK TO USE THE COMPUTER. LAST YEAR WE ONLY HAD SEX 11 TIMES. THIS YEAR WE'VE ONLY HAD IT ONCE. I TOLD HIM THIS YEAR I WILL NOT ASK FOR IT. I HOPE I CAN KEEP MYSELF TO THAT. GRRRRRRR. WELL, I'VE GOT TO GO FOR NOW, HOPEFULLY I'LL BE ABLE TO ADD ANOTHER VIDEO TO THIS ENTRY TONIGHT, OR YOU'LL KNOW THAT I COULDN'T BECAUSE HE'S ON THE DAMN THING AND WON'T LET ME USE IT!

TAKE CARE READERS!

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