I AM FEELING PRETTY LOW RIGHT ABOUT NOW. I AM IN A FUNK. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
MY HUBBY HAS BEEN TELLING ME OVER AND OVER THAT OUR BILLS ARE BEING PAID AND ALL THAT JAZZ. THEN I FIND OUT THAT THEY ARE NOT BEING PAID CORRECTLY, OR ON TIME FOR THAT MATTER. GRRRR. NOW, WE ARE POSSIBLY LOOKING AT FORECLOSING OUR HOME. I DON'T WANT TO GO THAT ROUTE. I HAVE LOWERED OUR PHONE PACKAGE, CABLE PACKAGE, TAKING LUNCH TO WORK, NOT SPENDING AS MUCH, ETC. I'M TRYING TO HELP OUR SITUATION, AND THAT MAY NOT BE GOOD ENOUGH.
I NEED MY FAIRY GOD-MOTHER! HAHA. I BETTER PUT IN SOME HUMOR. I'VE REALLY JUST FELT BITTER, AND I THINK I DO HAVE A SMALL RIGHT TO FEEL THAT WAY OF MY HUSBAND. I NEED TO THINK POSITIVE. NOW MY BRAIN IS TELLING ME OK, SO IF WE DO MOVE INTO AN APARTMENT, IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD, BUT THEN AGAIN MY HUBBY THINKS 3-4 YRS IN A RENTAL. THEN BUY A HOUSE AGAIN. BY THAT TIME DEPENDING ON WHAT HAPPENS WHETHER WE SELL, FORECLOSE, OR BANKRUPT, WE WON'T HAVE A GREAT OPPORTUNITY CREDIT WISE TO BUY AGAIN. NOT TO MENTION I KEEP THINKING THAT WHEN THAT HAPPENS, WILL BE MORE HIGH RISK FOR WHEN WE DO BUY, MY HUBBY WILL NEARLY BE 50 YEARS OLD, AND WILL THE LENDER BE WANTING TO GIVE A 50 YR OLD OBESE MAN WHO COULD DIE THE NEXT DAY FROM HEART FAILURE ETC A 30 YR MORTGAGE? WHO KNOWS. I DON'T KNOW. AT THIS POINT, I AM PRETTY STRESSED AND SCARED. I THOUGHT WE WERE DOING OK. HE WAS TOTALLY GIVING ME A SENSE OF FALSE SECURITY.
I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM, AND I DON'T WANT TO LOSE WHAT WE HAVE. WE TALKED ABOUT IT, AND HE SAYS HIS REASONING BEHIND NOT TELLING ME ABOUT IT SOONER WAS THAT HE DIDN'T WANT TO WORRY ME ABOUT HIM FAILING, AND THAT I'D THINK LESS OF HIM BEING A MAN THAT COULDN'T PROVIDE. I KINDA UNDERSTAND WHERE HE'S COMING FROM, BUT AT THE SAME TIME I'M LIKE, HE SHOULDA TOLD ME. WE'RE IN THIS TOGETHER. SINK OR SWIM. NOW WE'RE SINKING AND I'M JUST FINDING OUT!
I HATE NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO. I USUALLY ALWAYS HAVE AN ANSWER. I HONESTLY TRIED TO KEEP AN OPEN MIND WHILE LOOKING AT APARTMENTS, BUT THEN I START TO THINK OF THE JEALOUSY OF SOMEONE OWNING OUR HOUSE! I DON'T WANT ANYBODY ELSE OWNING MY HOUSE. I HAD DREAMS OF HAVING A FAMILY HERE. I GUESS IT'S A GOOD THING I'M NOT PREGNANT OR HAD PLANS ANYTIME SOON. SO I GUESS IT'S ALSO A SIGN THAT WE'RE NOT READY. I HATE TO SAY THAT BECAUSE I DO WANT A FAMILY. I KNOW I CAN HAVE A FAMILY ANYWHERE. I JUST THINK I NEED TO WORK ON MY BRAIN! STAY POSITIVE. IT'S BETTER THAN LIVING OUT OF MY CAR AGAIN.